Sunday, October 23, 2011

Always ready

So as of late me and my little butterfly have had quite the active sex life.  It seems like neither of us can get enough.  I am very happy at this development.  I have felt more connected to her and I think it has a lot to do with me being more consistent with my rules and punishments.  I can say we have been a lot more content with each other. 
  My little butterfly posted a blog the other day and gave her opinion on why we blog.  Having read her blog and thinking for a few days I have come to the conclusion I am really happy with our relationship.  She has a hard time speaking her feelings, but she can write really well and usually can express her feelings better that way.  So her blog gives me insight into her mind and helps me to understand what she is feeling.  I know as a dom it can be hard to read your sunbs mind so her blog allows me that look inside her head.  I also understand how a dom could feel like their sub was hiding something if they didn't know about her/his blog.  Keeping secrets can definitely hurt any relationship but in this community I have found that trust is an absolute.  I know subs can want the privacy and comfort in having a blog that their dom does not know about, but it can lead to feelings of anger, jealousy, and inadequacy.  As a dom I like to feel in control. I like to know what my little one is thinking, what she is doing, and who she is talking/interacting with.  This allows me to protect her and make the best decisions for us.  We have a very open relationship and I appreciate that.
  I am still really new as a dom and I hope this blog makes some sense.  I feel happy and safe in where our relationship is.  I am not afraid to take that responsibility upon myself and make the right decisions.  So thats all I have today if you have any opinion please let me know.

J

Saturday, October 15, 2011

I'm back!

So it has been way to long since I have written on here and expressed myself.  Several reasons have prevented me from doing it.  One is mental and the other physical.  Since my surgery I have not been very good at being an effective daddy or master.  I have let my sub get away with way to much and her bratty attitude has shown through like a beacon in the night.  So the past few weeks I have tried really hard to keep on my toes and make sure she does not get away with it.  She has written a blog about this week and it makes me proud when she can express herself and tell me how the sessions made her feel, even if it is in a blog. 
  So this week was a first for us.  I had been telling her all day to knock off the bratty behavior.  She of course ignored me thinking I would let it go.  So Wed night we found ourselves with an hour and a half or so and I decided it was time.  I told her to go in the room, open my toybox and get in the position.  I proceeded to get online and do a few things.  Then went into the room where she obediently waited.  I went to my toybox and got out my vipers tongue, belt, and wooden paddle.  Then we began.  I was not as nice and gentle as I usually am in the beginning but after the week she gave me she didn't deserve it.  She was fighting, squirming and trying her best to make me stop.  I scolded her and place a firm hand in the middle of her back.  I made sure this squirming business would not continue.  I continued with the spanking and the lecture.  That is almost my favorite part!  Then I sat on the bed and laid her over my lap for the rest.  She was rigid and still a little combative, but after a short time she went limp.  At first I was concerned but I knew she needed it.  So I continued til it was over.  Once I had gotten my point across I let her slide onto the floor in a kneeling position.  She instantly wrapped her arms around me and held on for dear life.  I stroked her hair and told her how much I loved her.  Then it was time to reward myself.  I told her it was time for me to fuck her :)  I proceeded to have my way with her.  She has been quite obedient since then, until today.  Here I am at work trying to get her to handle some house business and she absolutely crossed the line by cursing and yelling at me.  She has since apologized and I accept that sometimes stress can make her lash out.  But tonight we will have to "discuss" this further. 
  Long story short I now have at least 10 hours to figure out the right punishment for this behavior today.  I am looking forward to blogging more and maybe getting some good feedback from you guys.

J

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Meme questions!

What is your screen name? - Master J
 
How long have you been practicing TTWD - 5 or 6 years now

What is your astrological sign - Gemini

What part of the country do you live in - Southwest

Do you have any children - Yes 3. 

Do you have any grandchildren - NO!

What is your favorite color - Purple

Morning or Evening - Evening

Favorite ice cream - Karmel Sutra

Favorite sport - Hockey

Favorite TV programme - Hells Kitchen

First person who welcomed you to blogging - B'Man
 
Title of your first blog entry - New to D/S and needing to learn
What are you wearing on your feet right now - DC Shoes
 
What's your favorite day of the week - Sunday

Who are you listening to right now - Auction Hunters
Chocolate or Vanilla - Chocolate

Tea or coffee - Tea of course

Favorite non alcoholic drink - Coke/Pepsi

Favorite alcoholic drink - Jack and Coke

Favorite vacation spot - Florida

Favorite Season - Spring

Place you want to visit - Italy

If you had to start all over again, would you still choose TTWD - Yes it has done wonders for my relationship.

Best piece of advice you can pass on about TTWD - Don't be afraid to push yourself and trust yourself.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Why?

  So the past few weeks I have been really feeling drained.  I have been feeling emotionally and physically drained.  I know as the Dom I am expected to not worry about such things and provide my little girl with all her needs, but I am really struggling to find the emotional capital to do it.  I feel like for the longest time I have been the support.  Like I am the rock and everyone in my life is the moss.  I feel like I have nothing left to give.  I am getting cranky, I can never sleep well, my children are not doing anything outside of being kids and I can't deal with it, and my little girl seems to have given up due to my inability to be a Dom.  Life has taken a turn physically as well.  My abdomen is always hurting.  It feels like I am constantly being stabbed in the stomach.  I know it is the hernia but I can't do anything to fix it right now.  Even when I have acted like a Dom and spanked my little girl I feel like it does not even matter.  Sure that night she might be better and happier but then the next day rolls around and she is bratty and acting up.  I know I am not doing things right and it is all my fault.  I enjoy being the daddy.  I enjoy her submission.  The major problem is she will only submit when punished and then only for a few hours to a day.  That small time is awesome and I love how trusting she is.  But I know she has not let me in completely.  She has many walls that she can't or wont break down.  She has fallen back on really bad habits to express feelings instead of talking to me.  She will not give.  I fell like she takes all the time and I get nothing in return.  Maybe that is why I have been less motivated to discipline correctly.  Maybe that is why I am feeling the way I do emotionally.  I am not looking at this blog to be my way of communicating with her but I can't talk to her right now cause it may all be in my head.  Maybe she sees it the exact opposite.  I am so confused and so depressed.  What good is a Dom who can't even take care of himself?

J

Friday, March 25, 2011

Pushing limits

So butterfly and I had a talk this week about our accepted limitations.  I thought I had been pushing the limits but she wanted more.  Now being the Dom is a little difficult because it is a great balancing act between the appropriate times to be stern and caring.  I have stopped short several times because my caring has taken over, come to find out she wanted more.  So last night our normal Thursday session was due.  I decided that I would push myself further and see where she stopped me.  Well around 1 am I asked my little butterfly to go to the garage where we usually have the privacy to handle such things.  She was hesitant but had been in eager anticipation for at least an hour and a half.  She bowed her head and obediently got up and headed out the door.  By the time I had gotten into our room used the restroom and gotten out our wooden/plasic ruler, riding crop, my thick leather belt, and my favorite cane and made my way into the garage she was in the position I had instructed (face down on our old matress with her panties slightly pulled down just past the buttock).  I placed my toys near her and began the stern lecture she had earned this week about following my rules and her general lack of respect this week.  As I lectured I began with the ruler, light taps at first slowly getting more swift.  Then I shifted to my belt.  The first smack was a little harder than I planned and it made her jump a little, so what was I to do?  Well sit next to her with a firm hand in the middle of her back thats what!  Once she was not squirmy I continued.  From the belt to the crop, to the cane, back to the crop, then the belt, then the ruler, etc.  This went on for I would guess about 20 min.  Her backside was becoming nicely swollen and had begun to bruise slightly.  I could tell she was near breaking down crying which has never happened.  The bad thing was the bruises were seen and I know that I had to stop to prevent any damage to my little butterfly.  So i helped her to her knees next to me and began the slow process of caring for her the way we always do after the punishment is done. 

It is truely amazing to me how effective this is at controlling her during that time of the month.  She has been nothing but a very respectful sub and little girl since then.  Sometimes I am so amazed.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Little Butterfly

So my sub has been writing more frequently since I instituted "the rules".  I gave her a complete list of what my expectations were and a short list of possible consequences if the actions were not completed.  Well for the most part she has been quite obedient and well mannered.  Unfortunately her foul mouth has begun to get worse.  The past few days I have had to give her corner time, stern looks (due to circumstance), and little swats on the backside to make her realize she is not following the rule that she act like a lady in public.  I have also recently begun to enjoy climax training.  Or as she calls it climax torture.  I find it not only relaxes her but allows me to train her better.  It gives me the freedom to help her understand that her body and mind belong to me.  It helps remind her that is what she asked for.  But I do know I am going to have to give her a solid training session this week.  I know that bad language is a common problem that most of us deal with so I am asking the other doms, how do you stop this behavior?  Do I need to be more reactive?  This is hard with my work schedule and our children.  What types of punishments do you recommend to stop this from continuing?  I have also discovered that she is not fully opening up to me.  She is uncomfortable crying in front of me and has build some walls to prevent me from getting in.  Is there anything I can do to help break those down?  I know I am asking a lot of questions but I am really trying to figure out how best to get her trained.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

J

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

New Year

Ok so I have been away from bloggerland for about a month now.  I really don't know where to start.  I found a new job!  I am so happy.  The place I work now is so much better than where I was.  This has allowed me to be alot more dominate in my bedroom play with my little girl.  She is having a really hard time right now and the fact I am working 4 nights a week is not helping her insomnia or mood any.  I know she is neglecting her daily behaviour book and I really need to make the time to do something about that.  Problem is with my body trying to get adjusted to the new schedule I am finding it very hard to have enough energy for proper discipline.  I know I need to but I cannot seem to get mentally or physically enough energy to do it.  I have been able to be more aggressive sexually which I know she really enjoys and quite frankly so do I.  It is easier for me to do it that way right now and I hope she understands it does not mean I do not notice her lapse in keeping her behaviour journal up to date.  I think I am going to take some time this week either Thurs or Fri and have a good spanking session with her.  I need to get back into the swing of things before her brattyness returns full swing.  But it is a new year and I am reading a book on DD which is giving me ideas how to do discipline in other ways and they are quite creative.  She wanted me to read the book but now I don't think she is so sure she wants me to, too late for that!  Anyway a quick hello in 2011 and I hope now to be able to blog more as I have plenty of time at work to make a more successful blog for all of you to follow.  Happy New Year everyone!

J