Monday, December 24, 2012

End of year review

So for most of you who follow my and LB it has been half a year of news and then not much for the last 6 months.  Well I hope things change in the new year and we can be more active.  We do still keep up with all of your blogs and enjoy reading about your lives and adventures.  For now I will say Merry Christmas to all of you and good tidings for the New Year!

J

Friday, December 7, 2012

Changes

Wow has it really been 6 months since I last posted?  I feel like I left this blog behind but feel I need to start writting again.  LB and I recently moved to Tucson, AZ because I got a new job.  I came out about 6 weeks early and tried my best to give us a solid place to settle and hopefully stay.  In the 14 years we have been together we have moved so many times I cannot even count.  She has taken a majority of the burden for the moves because of the military or work circumstances, and I honestly don't know how she does it.  But back to what I was writting about, changes.

We moved away from G.  This has really upset LB as she relied on him for emotional support.  While I am always there and available to her our past prevents her from being totally open with me.  G came in as the second Dom and things were fine, but as she grew closer to him and opened up more I felt left behind.  No longer were we chatting all night about anything and everything.  A majority of the time I was left alone to sleep while she went and talked to G.  To say I didn't think a lot of bad things would be a lie.  It is hard to know your spouse is growing close to someone you trust and thinking anything ill is happening.  So moving here I knew would be hard.  I constantly strive to be there and available.  Try to be the best Daddy and father I can be.  Try to do better in all aspects of life.  And I am doing well.  We are talking more and in general getting closer than we have been in a while.  I like that.  After Christmas LB is going to visit her family in TX and stopping in NM to stay with G, it is about half way and a good stopping point, but I am worried about this for those stupid reasons again.  I hope things are ok and I can get over my adverse reaction to this.

Moving to Tucson has been really good for us.  I am happier and more at ease, the kids have more to go do around the neighborhood, and we have more stuff to do in general that doesnt cost anything.  I hope to be able to keep you guys updated more frequently about us and where we are going, what we are doing, and how things are going.  LB might be blogging again soon, we shall see.  So thats where we are at.

J

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Where it all started

  A lot of you might be wondering what is going on with me and LB.  Well we are working through a lot of stuff right now and she decided to take a little break from blogging.  So send her your well wishes and let her know you are thinking about her :)

So the point of this blog is simple, explain how it all started.

  So when I was 18 I decided it would be a good idea to enroll in a modeling class to meet hot girls.  Seems easy enough right.  Well there was a girl all 3 of us guys had our eyes on, but it was because she was "blessed" we will say.  She was really snobby with no personality really.  My little LB was shy, reserved and there to actually become a model and make a living at it.  Because of her shyness she went relatively unnoticed by me.  That is until we graduated.  As I was getting my coat from the closet at the school I turned around and there she was.  She had forgetten her coat and had come back in to get it.  We got to chatting a little bit and she of all people made the move to give me her number.  I had played it like "Oh it's to bad the class is over, guess we won't see each other again."  She came back with some line about we don't have to why don't I give you my number.  Now on a side note for years in my childhood I had a vivid dream about that very encounter.  The only difference being I was not able to see the face of the person I was talking to in that hallway.  But while it was happening I had a deja vu and realized it was the same dream in real life!  So we set a date and it was something that was going to change my life forever.  Our first date was memorable in many ways.  She was a shy sublike girl and I was an overbearing, self centered, egotistical jerk.  Looking back I am so amazed she even gave me a second date, let alone 13 years of our lives so far.  We went to the local university and played a little basketball.  Then my jerk side told her "why don't you sit downa and let me show you how to shoot better" Yeah I know jerk alert!  Looking back I can definitely see how far I have come as a person.  I am still some of those things slightly, somedays more than others, but I am trying hard to set a better example for my kids.  After that we went to lunch and then hung out the rest of the day.  Around 2 am she told me she should be getting home, she was staying with family friends.  Then realized it was 2 am and said she couldnt go back that late and she would sleep on the couch.  I insisted she sleep in my bed with me but warned her I slept naked, yeah I know jerk move.  Up til that point I had never in my life slept naked!  She agreed but said no funny business would happen.  Well one thing led to another and I cohersed her into sleeping with me.  Looking back I was a real jerk.  Well something changed that night.  Up til then I was a player.  I would have more than one woman in my life at a time.  Well when she woke up the next day she wanted to leave.  As we were getting ready to leave it hit me that I couldn't let her go.  The butterfly effect hit me hard.  I told her I couldn't let her leave, knowing she was fully ready to walk out and never see me again.  I broke down and cried for the first time in a long time, she will tell you it was all an act.  I couldn't explain it but I knew then she was put on the earth for me.  I told her that as she stood across the room.  After I got done blabbing on she came over and sat next to me and said "if it means that much to you I will stay".  From that day on we were never apart.  We got married on our 1 year anniversary.

  So here we are 13 years and many huge mountains of troubles and issues later.  I think we have grown together instead of apart.  Yes we are polar opposites.  Yes we should not have anything in common.  Yes she deserves a much more perfect guy than me.  But I love her and she loves me.  We fill the void in each other.  What I lack she has and vice versa.  We complete each other.

  So thats how it all began.  Just been in a real mood to remember things and see how far we have come.  Hope you enjoyed it.  LB will be back on blogger someday I am sure.  For now we all must wait :)

J

Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Butterfly Effect

  For those who might not know I am the HOH for Little Butterfly.  We have been together since 1998.  Before meeting her I was somewhat of a player.  I would have a steady girl and a few more alternates just in case.  But from my first date with LB I never have wanted anyone else.  She instantly became my addiction.  I could only ever think of her.  For years I couldn't explain why this was the case.  Well over our time together I have seen many guys come in and out of our lives.  Many of them my friends and some her old high school friends.  The one constant is that somehow someway the guys always seem to grow very fond of my Little Butterfly.  In several cases this has led to her being used in not so nice ways.  It's like the guys know if they put her in a difficult spot they can take advantage of their wants and she is powerless to stop them.  We have begun to call this the Butterfly Effect.  It makes men lose their damn minds!  They become so enthralled with her that is all they can think about.  They will stop at nothing to get a piece of her.  As the HOH I have the very difficult task of protecting her and preventing these situations, and believe me it is a full time job.  Our friend G has become something of my muscle and alternate protector of LB.  He is her other Dom and that gives me comfort.  He is the only man we have ever known I trust with her completely.  Not sure why but he doesn't seem affected by the Butterfly Effect!  Well I hosted a concert in Lubbock, TX last month.  I flew an artist in from NYC and the show was great.  After the show we were all hanging at the hotel and he asked if LB could go with him to get some ice.  Well they were gone for quite some time and I finally sent G to find them.  LB came back and was acting very ill.  I took her to the room and all she said was the artist was very touchy feely.  I knew immediately this wasn't good.  But for some reason when the artist came back and asked to talk to her in the lobby it would be ok because it was in the lobby! I said ok.  Well about 1 min went by and I went to look in the lobby for them.  I didn't see them.  I immediately went to the room got my shoes and went to find them.  No more than 4 min had gone by.  I went downstairs where the artist was in the hall outside his room and told me she was in using the restroom.  She came out and we all went to the lobby.  I was unaware anything negative happened, I mean it had only been a few minutes.  Well come to find out LB was immediately taken to his room and raped.  He was really quick and didn't really do any damage.  I did not find this out until several days later.  LB said he just kept telling her all night how beautiful she was, how he didn't know what is was but he wanted her, and how much he couldn't stop thinking about her.  Well that is the effect I have been talking about.



  Now I don't know exactly what this effect is or why she has been blessed with it.  But I do know that it has caused G and myself a lot of effort to keep her safe.  I know to anyone outside of this community it would look like I was a huge overbearing guy, but as G has discovered it is only to protect my Little girl.  I have felt the effects and still can't say why it happens.  I do know I will be more diligent in my duties as HOH and always trust my gut from this point forward.  She has been given a new rule that we hope will help her stand up to someone if the situation ever arises again.  The rule quite simply states that she is not allowed to lsiten to anyone elses instructions other than me and G.  So she now understands it is ok to say no to anyone else!  We all hope this will help her in finding the strength she needs to protect herself just in case G or I is unavailable.

  So there you have it more than you probably ever wanted to know about my Little Butterfly!



J

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I need your thoughts

While looking at a non DS site online I found this story.  So what better place to get opinions on it than my blog!  So please check out the story and let me know your thoughts on it.  Let me know where you think this could lead in the sexual realm of the world.

http://www.geekologie.com/2012/05/congratulations-scientists-create-the-wo.php

As for this blog I have a post coming that will shed some light on my Little Butterfly and why I think guys get so obssessed with her from the very first time they meet her.

J

Sunday, April 1, 2012

2 Doms 1 Butterfly

Hey guys,
  Sorry with this music stuff kicking off big time I have had little to no time for blogging.  But I wanted to check in and let you know about a few changes since we last spoke.  The first and most major change is that my Little Butterfly had asked me to allow G to be her other Dom.  Not sure how many people in the community have this dynamic but I can say I was both worried and disappointed at the question.  I gave it really thoughtful consideration for about a week or so and then made my decision.  I decided it was a good idea.  Now let me tell you why I would make such a decision.

  First thing is that G and I took a road trip a few years ago when we had first met.  On that trip we got to know each other and I found a guy in the world I might be able to trust.  Since then I had some medical issues and G was there to protect my family.  He didn't try to move in and take over, he simply took care of my family when I was unable to.  That told me a ton about his character and motivations.  But me being a jealous kind of guy I was still skeptical when my little butterfly wanted him to be my Co-Dom.  But after thinking long and hard about why discipline has been so hard for me I realized a few things:

1. While I wanted to make sure my rules were followed I was way to inconsistent.  Not because of desire but because of a lot of other factors.

2. She deserves consistency which I could not provide

3. I hate hurting her.  Physically or emotionally.  Thus administering proper punishments was hard and I was not able to provide adequate punishment.

  So with those factors in mind I decided to give her what she asked for.  I have to applaud G he has been super consistent, very understanding, and a great friend.  He has allowed LB to be more level emotionally.  He has provided the discipline that she has needed.  He has fallen into the role nicely.  Now the first time I gave him a few tips but he is a natural.  I can safely say the LB has more than one time the past few weeks regretted her decision to ask for such and arrangement. 

I will keep you guys updated on her progress and I thank you for sticking with me even though I have been less than consistent here on the blog!!

J

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Question for the community

Ok I have been trying really hard to push aside my needs and be able to provide my little one with what she needs.  I am finding it harder than I had imagined.  I am trying to figure out a way to make this happen if I don't feel like my needs are being taken care of.  This is silly because I know my little one does all she can with her medical stuff to make me happy.  She really does her best to not whine about things and just fight through her ailments.  Why can I not stop wanting little things, like a backrub every now and then or little notes to make my day.  She has spoiled me I think.  She tries very hard to do little things and for the past month or so has been unable to because of her medical stuff.  I should be more understanding and stop being so selfish I suppose.  Have any of you couples had this same thing happen?

So other than that stuff we have been ok.  She has been needing a lot of rest and I have had to really pick up the slack.  I am failing miserably!  I am in no way shape or form a home maker.  I love this about her and realize when this stuff happens how much she does around our home.  From basics like cleaning and cooking to more complex stuff like being the ear to chew for our kids.  I don't know how she does it.  I am freaking tired!  This is kinda short and I want to write more but I am out of ideas right now.  I will be back on my days off to write a more lengthy post and maybe a story for you guys :)

J

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Back on track

  So this week I finally had enough of little butterfly's attitude.  For the past few months she has not been feeling well.  A lot of headaches, tired, eyes acting weird, etc.  But Thursday because of how she was acting I had been pushed to my limit.  As I was getting to the end of my rope I gave several stern warnings, which got snide comments and attitude in return.  So finally I said "tonight you and I are visiting the garage" to which I got an eye roll and a sarcastic "Suuuuurrrree"  So we went through the night, got the kids to bed, and spent time together.  As we were going to bed around 12:30 I said "Don't get undressed yet we have business we need to tend to"  Her eyes got kinda wide and she tried, unconvincingly, to tell me it was late and I needed my rest.  I said no I told you it was coming and we need to take care of it.  So with a pout she began to make her way back through the house.

  When we got into the garage I was in no mood for warming up.  I wanted to make a statement.  I knew it would piss her off but I jumped right into it.  I told her to get over the freezer.  She refused.  I said it one more time, she refused.  So I forcefuly grabbed her neck and forced her into position.  Then I began the punishment.  Not light at first or building up to it but hard from the start.  She was really not being still and really trying to have control which she was to give to me.  I held her in position and continued.  She began to curse my name and tell me how unfair it was.  How I was just being mean and she wouldn't be so out of control if I "handled" her better.  So a few minutes later I decided she was right and it was not fair since I had been neglectful.  I stopped and told her to stand up.  I held her and told her I was sorry I had not been so effective.  I promised to be more diligent and make more of an effort to focus on things the right way.

  So I guess this week I learned that my focus although clouded needs to be on her.  I need to be more of a dom and take care of my little butterfly.  She deserves it.  So I guess we as doms learn as well.  Man this culture is a hard adjustment but I am not willing to give up.  She needs it. 

I need it.

J

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Neglectful

So it has been far to long since I have written in this blog.  I thank all of you who keep checking in on me and butterfly.  I realize how neglectful I have been not only to the blog but to her as well.  To be honest I have had a really hard time focusing on anything and have had to focus a lot of attention on some new things.  But as I refocus my energies I NEED to focus on my little butterfly and my job as HOH.  I have found when I am a true Dom at home I succeed in my job as well.  I need to focus on being the best at both, cause it makes me happy and I feel more fulfilled.  So as a new month is upon us and the ever changing landscape of my life changes yet again I will do all the things I should have been doing long ago.  This lifestyle and my other blog make me who I am.  They make up a huge part of me. 

  So as I read her blog and realize that she is hurting without my guidance and support I feel terrible.  I feel like a failure.  But I know I can't let it get me down.  I know I can only pick up right now and do better.  I know I can't change the past, but I can make the future better.  So this post is kinda short but I wanted to check in and let you all know to expect more from me as we go forward.

J