Sunday, February 26, 2012

Question for the community

Ok I have been trying really hard to push aside my needs and be able to provide my little one with what she needs.  I am finding it harder than I had imagined.  I am trying to figure out a way to make this happen if I don't feel like my needs are being taken care of.  This is silly because I know my little one does all she can with her medical stuff to make me happy.  She really does her best to not whine about things and just fight through her ailments.  Why can I not stop wanting little things, like a backrub every now and then or little notes to make my day.  She has spoiled me I think.  She tries very hard to do little things and for the past month or so has been unable to because of her medical stuff.  I should be more understanding and stop being so selfish I suppose.  Have any of you couples had this same thing happen?

So other than that stuff we have been ok.  She has been needing a lot of rest and I have had to really pick up the slack.  I am failing miserably!  I am in no way shape or form a home maker.  I love this about her and realize when this stuff happens how much she does around our home.  From basics like cleaning and cooking to more complex stuff like being the ear to chew for our kids.  I don't know how she does it.  I am freaking tired!  This is kinda short and I want to write more but I am out of ideas right now.  I will be back on my days off to write a more lengthy post and maybe a story for you guys :)

J

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Back on track

  So this week I finally had enough of little butterfly's attitude.  For the past few months she has not been feeling well.  A lot of headaches, tired, eyes acting weird, etc.  But Thursday because of how she was acting I had been pushed to my limit.  As I was getting to the end of my rope I gave several stern warnings, which got snide comments and attitude in return.  So finally I said "tonight you and I are visiting the garage" to which I got an eye roll and a sarcastic "Suuuuurrrree"  So we went through the night, got the kids to bed, and spent time together.  As we were going to bed around 12:30 I said "Don't get undressed yet we have business we need to tend to"  Her eyes got kinda wide and she tried, unconvincingly, to tell me it was late and I needed my rest.  I said no I told you it was coming and we need to take care of it.  So with a pout she began to make her way back through the house.

  When we got into the garage I was in no mood for warming up.  I wanted to make a statement.  I knew it would piss her off but I jumped right into it.  I told her to get over the freezer.  She refused.  I said it one more time, she refused.  So I forcefuly grabbed her neck and forced her into position.  Then I began the punishment.  Not light at first or building up to it but hard from the start.  She was really not being still and really trying to have control which she was to give to me.  I held her in position and continued.  She began to curse my name and tell me how unfair it was.  How I was just being mean and she wouldn't be so out of control if I "handled" her better.  So a few minutes later I decided she was right and it was not fair since I had been neglectful.  I stopped and told her to stand up.  I held her and told her I was sorry I had not been so effective.  I promised to be more diligent and make more of an effort to focus on things the right way.

  So I guess this week I learned that my focus although clouded needs to be on her.  I need to be more of a dom and take care of my little butterfly.  She deserves it.  So I guess we as doms learn as well.  Man this culture is a hard adjustment but I am not willing to give up.  She needs it. 

I need it.

J