Monday, January 20, 2014

The journey

  In the beginning a self-centered and egotistical boy met a loving, compassionate, and caring girl.  Their lives traveling completely separate paths converged in a small hallway.  Their eyes met and a small conversation was had.  In the end the boy was happy because the girl gave him her phone number and he had a chance to get to know her better.  From the first date the two have been inseparable.  A year later they were married and began a new journey together.  When their first child was born the boy was lost, confused, and did not feel ready or stable enough for a family.  He struggled to keep a job while the girl kept picking him back up and telling him it was ok.  Then the news of a second child coming came.  This shook the boy into a dose of reality, he had to find that stability or he would lose everything. 

This began an 8 year mission in the US military.  During that time the girl and boy moved a lot.  First to California and then to Washington.  The military was a great thing for this now young man.  It taught him all the things he needed to know.  He learned responsibility, loyalty, pride, and stability.  The entire time his number one supporter, the girl, was busy trying to figure it all out.  She loved the young man but he was cold and distant.  Of course she knew it was because of how he was raised and his example of a father was sorely lacking, but that didn't make it any easier for her.  She came from a loving and supportive family.  She was used to giving all of herself and getting that love in return.  Then came the time for the young man to deploy to a war zone.  He realized a short time before leaving that he needed to change or once again he would lose everything.  As the girl dropped him off he watched as she cried.  He wanted so bad to hold her and tell her it would be ok but he knew he had to go.  Once he was gone she was free.  She was able to find things she liked.  She was able to realize she was much happier with him gone.  A few months into the deployment she gave him the news, she wanted a divorce.  Thousands of miles away all the work he had been doing seemed pointless and all he wanted to do was hang on to any hope.  He found faith again and it only got worse.  The more he tried to do the right things the worse it got.  He kept the hope every day things would be alright once he got back home.  Then the time came and he returned home.  Almost immediately she left their now three kids with him and went to visit he parents and decide her ultimate decision.  Through phone calls daily and a ton of begging and pleading the girl made the choice to give this man another chance.  Shortly after that the military was taken away from him.  Once again he was a lost boy in the "real" world.

They packed up and moved once again this time to Texas.  Even though he was only there with them for a short time he got a job.  Unfortunately it was in New Mexico.  He once again left his family for three months and tried to find a place for them to call home.  They lived there for three years.  Things seemed to be going ok until the boy fell back on bad habits.  Anger issues, depression, and general assholishness.  The girl reached another breaking point and once again the words were brought out, divorce. 

The boy was now shattered once again.  While he made his mistakes the girl was not without fault.  Their paths had become forever entwined.  He cannot live without her and she cannot live without him.  They found comfort for a while before this in their D/S relationship.  That too due to his neglect has fallen by the wayside.  Everything he touches falls apart.  Yet even through everything the girl has been his biggest fan.  She has stood by his side.  She tells him he can do anything he puts his mind to.  The problem with that is his mind is like a huge desk full of papers and he struggles to find anything.  He is trying hard to have everything in a place he can find it.  He thinks she knows how much he cares and how hard he is struggling to make it work. 

Now they have found a comfort of sorts in Arizona.  Hopefully their path will get clearer and the pastures greener.  The boy will keep his fingers crossed and his mind on the right things.  The one thing she needs he has to find a way to give it to her.  He needs his little girl and she needs her daddy.